Do I trust God enough to be myself?

Over the past months, maybe more like years, I have been on a journey. I didn't realize it at the time, and I am just coming to realize it in part, because I think the process of the journey will never be complete. At least I hope not. But this journey has been shaping me into who I am. Over the past year, my life has been transforming and facing challenges that I never anticipated. I am connecting a lot with this passage in 1 Peter 1:6-8 ⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.
I have been learning lately what it means to trust in God. Its something that gets said a lot, and interpreted in lots of different ways. I thought I had been trusting in God all along, but i am finding that I haven't really been trusting Him much at all. Allow me to explain.
There is a outer level of trust, that doesn't allow God to penetrate much beyond the surface. This trust is like when we say we trust God loves us. Its true, He loves us completely with all our faults. But we only trust Him enough to keep our faults between us and Him. Or take for example our plans. We say we trust God will lead us in the direction he wants us to go in. And this is also true. But then we form ideas and goals in our mind. I trust God will land me in a job that pays me this much, or that takes me to this location or keeps me in this one. I trust God will allow me to continue to live with relatively the same means as I am used to. 
But there is a deeper level of trust that mean Christians are afraid to get to. And it is this level of trust that shapes who we are, and how we interact with others and with God. This level of trust is accompanied by supreme honesty about who we are. When we pray we often ask God to allow us to be successful. For instance, God allow me to get this job, pass this test, achieve this goal. And we have trust in Him that he will see those things through. But what happens when it doesn't work out? Do we trust God enough for Him to let us fail? Do we trust Him to bring hardships that will grow our character? We want to trust God for good things to happen in our lives. But that is only trusting God half way. We have to trust that for whatever reason, he allowed something to happen. And trust that he knows better than we do.
Another part of this level of trust is the thing that i have been dealing with the most lately. Do I trust God enough to be honest about who I am? As I mentioned in the last post, for many years I have been faking it. It, encompasses many different areas. My sin, my confidence, my intelligence, my calling, a general sum of what makes me, me. I have wanted so long to be perceived a certain way. I wanted to appear like I knew what I was doing, that I didn't have any serious sin issues, that I had my life together. I wanted this because I was afraid of how people would view me if they could see the real me. That I did have problems. That I wasn't as confident in my beliefs, or knowledge. But this is where trusting God at a deeper level comes in. I am learning that trusting God completely, means being honest about who I am and knowing that He delights in me, and it doesn't matter how I am viewed. It is having God stand by my side, and there in front of us sits all my sin, my shortcomings, my fears, and all the other crap that i never wanted anyone to see, and putting it out there and saying this is part of me. It doesn't matter if you like it or not, because God loves me. I trust Him to take care of me. It may mean that I go through hard times, that i am laughed at, or pushed away. But I have trust that God will see me through.

I could write more, and probably will some other time, as I try and clarify my thoughts. But wanted to just share what was on my mind today, and what God is teaching me. Stay tuned in for more...

P.S. I have started growing my beard out again, so look forward to beard updates as well :)