Its funny how often these kind of thought come when you should really be in bed, but I thought I would just post this sense it was on my mind. Not necessarily for anyone to read and gain anything from but for me to write down and remember. I just got home from seeing Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood. Not exactly the movie I expected to stir my moral compass, but it did nonetheless. And the thought that it has stirred within me is something I know I have felt before and hopefully everyone thinks this if not at least every Christian. But what am I doing to help? Who am I helping? I saw the movie about 15 miles away from my house so it gave me time to really have some thoughts. Thoughts that take a while to process. As a youth pastor, I know that I am helping in ways that I can't really see all the time. Or at least I hope I am. And I know that I could be doing a much better job, which is something I need to be challenging myself to. But my burning thought is; who is the person who's life I am meant to change. I know that i have helped lots of peoples lives in many different ways. Mission trips, service projects, just talking with some troubled teens. But I feel that I need to invest in someone. Someone who really needs it. I'm not talking about sponsoring an african child. Although I know I probably should do that too. But I can't help but think that there is someone in this world, or even city, that is waiting or needing for me to come along. To do more than buy them a lunch or say a quick prayer. But to be part of their life. Not just be a charity, but be a part of their life. What kind of impact could I have on someone? More importantly where do I even look for this person? In the movie a man keeps a teen out of trouble with a gang. Could I do that? I would love to work in the inner city, promoting peace and that sort of thing. But what if I could get to a heart level with someone in that situation. Be a refuge from the stuff they have to go through.
I don't really have any answers. My other thought on the way home was that I feel like there are so many organizations and outreaches and all that stuff that I get lost before i even can start. I spend more time figuring out which to choose or where to go that I never actually get started. It would be a lot easier if I could just walk into a bar, or up to a guy on the street, and introduce myself and tell them that i want to be a part of their life. But would that work? All I know is there are a lot of hurting people out there and I don't just want to give them a solution, I want to hurt with them, to cry with them, to be their friend. I want to impact their life as they impact mine. Because if I am not on this earth to be love, to help someone with authentic, dirty, passionate, sacrificing love, then what am I here for?
So if you did read this, pray for me to do something about what i wrote instead of sitting at home being lazy, just thinking about what i could be doing. And if you have some ideas on how to get started with this please share. I'm not trying to be part of an organization or lead a movement. I just want to be a good part of somebody's life.
2 comments:
Dear Grap:
For years, I worried as you do about "helping," being of value, doing something worthwhile, etc. And I worked hard, within the structure of a mainline Protestant church, to assist people with their own meaning through the Christian faith.
Many years later, as I made my departure from the church, I have discovered it was all a waste of time.
It's possible, I guess, that like you, I made a difference in the lives of some people. Ultimately, though, probably not much.
I left the church largely because I realized it was a phony organization, based upon numerous false assumptions. As such it is an enormous waste of time and energy. Furthermore, upon reflection, I realized the church is an organization that takes away motivation to do good. It teaches salvation comes from "faith," and/or from believing the right things. And if you mess up, well the church has developed a great system: you sin, God forgives. Over and over again. Pretty slick, huh?
You will also find out, horrible as it sounds, that if you should decide to leave your "youth pastorate," for any reason, even retirement, few, if any, of your old church friends will have much to do with you. You are important only because you are some sort of connection to the deity. In observing clergy over the years, most have believed and lived to regret it, that their flock loved them for who they were without the robes. Not so.
I won't give you any advice, but I will say that it is absolutely wonderful to shed that need to be part of "saving" the world. I'd guess you'll discover, as I did, that you can't do it and there's no point in worrying about it.
My suggestion (notice, no advice) is to find a job outside of the church, do it well, (I taught) have a few beers with people you love, and enjoy each day to the fullest.
Do your part to care for the earth, and strive to do no harm to yourself or others.
That's all that's necessary. No God is gonna get you for not saving the world for Him!
So far as finding someone to really care about...well, a good woman can't be beat. Or a good man, if you're gay.
Enjoy, my friend. Life is too short for all this introspective brow-beating.
[What I've said does not deny there are some good people in the various churches. By "good," I mean people who really care about other people and who are not bound up in dogma and horrible theologies of crucifixion and sacrifice.]
One final note: I thought I was quite kind to Kenny. I do get a bit frustrated with christianist(as opposed to Christian) fundamentalists who feel they must convert everyone who doesn't believe as they do and cannot see beyond their own inerrant nose.
As you may have noted, I enjoy tweaking their noses...
So, when Kenny tells me in so many words that I'm going to burn forever in hell because I don't believe in the nonsense he does, I told him, gently, that he's one sick puppy.
That's not calling someone names, that's a phrase descriptive of the person involved.
And, who knows, maybe he'll get mad, or maybe he'll think about his craziness. Either way, I refuse to worry about that stuff.
Peace. I appreciate your checking out my blog, even if you don't agree with me.
Jacob
Hm, I think you're awesome and I will for sure be praying for you. I think that you are capable of leading a movement but I love that you are humble enough to be willing to invest in a single life. That is awesome. You're pretty cool.
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